- Fizza Rahman
- Karachi, Pakistan
- Pharmaceutical brand manager, Geek, Marketeer, Speaker,Procrastinator, Reader, Thinker, Writer, Blogger.Papa's spoiled daughter.I am ought in this world, searching the reason of my sole existence. A reason I believe ..i will find soon. Love my job and Love to think,read and write.
January 21, 2011
An insight to my transition..
There are some triggering factors that can transit you into the same feeling when it first hit you.
One day, as usual amma was in the kitchen, and complained of her eyesight. It happened for few days, and I took it as the routine eyesight problem, till one day when amma, who is neither diabetic, nor hypertensive, all fit & fine again complained that she is having diffculty in seeing things clearly. We took her to various eye clinics for routine checkups, and with every checkup, it sounded more & more confusing. Amma's eyesight was dropping down continously,and within a day her eyes turned blood red.. yes THIS color. I was terrified. We started taking her for checkups at all the best hospitals in karachi. Everybody would name one, and we would go there. All the specialists had one conclusion "Inki surgery hogi" and I couldnt get up with the idea. We didnt even leave a single hospital offering eye speciality. Though it was frightening but I was keeping my cool, until one day we took her to Ibrahim eye hospital, Khokhrapar. I took my bag so that when we'd get free from there, i'll go to uni right from there. I was in my 4th yr. It was the hardest semester of Pharm.D with the most hardest courses in it. We went there at 7 in the morning. Even there all the doctors were still of the same view, that surgery is the last option, since her retina is detaching. Being a Pharmacy student myself, I couldnt resist my temptation to know the exact diagnosis before succumbing to any surgical procedure and providing any specimen for the butcher-doctors community.
While at the hospital, I was standing nearly a metre away from amma, when she called ..fizz where are you! I turned back. I saw her right next to me. I was silent. Amma called again ..fizza,where are you? My heart nearly sank!! I held amma in my arms and told her to sit. We soon left from the hospital. I was to go to university from there. I threw up my bag and books in the car. "Damn my studies. I'm not going anywhere". I came back with mom to home. Everybody insisted over that we should go for the surgery but dad and I wouldnt agree. I told dad, there has to be a reason for it and till I find that, we wont listen to any dumb shit of anyone.
Those were by far the most struggling days of my life. The hardest university semester, and workload of home. Being the only girl child of my home with nanhyal all abroad ,a limited dadhyaal and myself a dheet version of "mujhe ghar k kaam karne mein maza nahin aata", it was very difficult for me. I had to go to uni, come back, do all the household chores, serve the guests (i hated that then),cook, clean and then study at night for final exams. Amma was at bedrest. One of my teacher suggested me to take mom to Dr. Azam Ali at AKUH. When we went there we got to know that Dr. Azam is out of town and will be back in almost 10 days. Dr. Rashid Baig did the initial checkup and was terrified. Mom's eyesight was 1/6. Her eyes were blood red in color and her retina was visibly detaching. Dr. Rashid advised her to be at complete bedrest until dr. Azam came. Even she wasnt allowed to stand for namaz, and advised to lie down at an angle of 45 degrees. Finally, Dr. azam came. Mom had several appointments with Dr. Azam and Dr. Mughees Sheerani (neurologist at AKUH), and in no time they discovered the problem. Mom had VOGT KOYANAGI HARADA SYNDROME (VKH). I never heard about this disease, never read it in our classical pathology books,even my professors were unable to understand it. My mom was the third case of VKH registered at AKUH. The two before her included a doctor and a young 21 yr old boy who lost his eyesight completely. Mom was put up on prednisone 80 mg, for three days continously. In those three days her face became rounded and she gained weight (side effect of corticosteroids). Her prednisone dosage was tapered and narrowed down gradually, alongwith Azathioprin (immunosuppresant) to mediate the immune inflammatory changes. In a week, she started recovering, although her weight increased tremendously. Sad enough, the weight was just a body bulge while the immunosuppresant was itself destroying her immune system. She was recovering from the disease yet getting weaker from inside day by day. I never saw her cry. I even never saw her leaving any of her prayers during the then period. I saw my father standing right next to her as her support. I saw the fear in my elder brothers eyes. It seemed to me like I have suddenly grown up. I have suddenly achieved the womanly adolescence to keep her family united, the maturity to handle things simultaneously.. just like my mom always did. What I couldnt learn in all the years in my life with my mom's sermons, life taught me all that.. in few weeks .. and I learnt them the hard way. Suddenly I was no longer crying for my share of icecreams. Rather I was looking at how, what and when to do things. To get up early and make breakfasts , pack lunches for dad and bro, asking ammi for the verbal helps in cooking... and from the tom boyish, cricket playing fizza.. I became a responsible, elderly fizza :)
It has been four years since then. Mom is still on medications. They have done their part. Cured her but weakened her. Mom has her routine checkups. Both her doctors are very happy for her progress MAshaAllah. They tell its the dua's and the will-power that has kept her strong. She loves cooking. Firstly she used to do it just for the three of the children. Now she does it for the bahu's and the pota's as well mashaAllah. We are happy to see her back to life.
When I think about that time, I shiver! It gives me goose-bumps. But I couldnt stand the fact that I thank Allah, for all the blissful Mercies He does. Man is nothing. Life is mortal and inspite of all the difficulties, all the problems.. We have to move on .. to find our destiny. The quest for life should never end. If Allah provides you with difficulties, He will provide you with ease as well. The point is ..not to stop, not to complain and move on with the faith!
Thank You Allah! And thank you amma, for being such a wonderful mother, such a sign of sooper inspiration of courage & strength to me. Mom, I am a successful working girl & a perfect sugghar larki.. and I surely take your attributes in me.. PROUDLY! :)
P.S: VKH is an autoimmune disorder affecting nervous system especially the eyes with uveitis, retinal detachment and meningeal irritation.