Happy Birthday Noori, my younger sister. Had you been with us today, you'd have been 16. Sweet Sixteen. Full of color , vibrance and life.
I remember the time when you were about to be born. I was jealous of you. I thought by your coming, my importance &love with maa-baa would descrease. I envied you. But at the same time, I thought about you lovingly. I wanted to be "appi". I wanted someone adorable enough to share my life. To share a room full of pink stuff, teddy bears, and lot of cosmetics!
I have never talked about your death openly in the family. I always wonder, how much courage a mother needs to see a child she keeps in her womb for nine month, lying "lifeless" in front of her. How much courage, a father needs to bury his child, his youngest child in the grave. By doing so, the parents bury all their dreams they wove for their child. I wonder, how difficult it would've been for maa and baa to handle this situation. I wonder, why did I never opened up with maa-baa at this topic. Why didnt I wipe their tears. Because, I didnt had the courage to face this all. Every year, I used to think of you growing. How would you look. What would you call me? How will i be the best appi for you. But these are all dreams Noori. You are in another world. With much safer people than there are at Earth around me. You are lucky noori, you will take along maa-baa in jannat with you (inshaAllah).
I was in raheel bhai's drawing room when I heard Sami bhai breaking the news on phone. I didnt know what to do. But i remember, I picked up the jaanimaz and prayed to Allah. I cried and I asked him that this may not be true.
Nobody told me about your death. Bhai and bhayya knew and even they hid from from me. I acted casually. I believed a miracle would happen and everyone would turn out glad when they will see you alive. That probably was the first time when I got to know that all our prayers arent answered the way we want them. When they brought your body from the morgue, you were so little, and your face was just like bhayya's. You were sleeping peacefully at a little chat'aai. And then they took you away. I remember crying in haanji's laps for the first time. I was sad at the thought that "Now no body will ever call me appi".
When mom arrived from hospital two days later, she hugged and cried so much to see me. Probably, she thought of her other daughter ..had she lived !
Allah has his own plans, we fill our hearts with grief but we learn to bow down our heads to His decisions. I bowed down mine 16 years back and today when I look at the sky ..i see two angels smiling up down to me. Telling me how very much they love their appi. Noori & Shaani, you are never forgotten. You are always here, in my heart my sweethearts!
Happy Birthday Noori ! Appi loves you the most!